hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
