we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
