Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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