Umm I'm too high to move.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
