Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
