Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
