Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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