Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
