Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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