once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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