I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?