barbara walters just said penis...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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