Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We need to rekindle our bromance
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
