Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Good thing I've started drinking again