She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
