do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
