I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
