Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
