after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
