i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
