i love accidental penises.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
