i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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