I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it penis luge time yet?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
