i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
