pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
