she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
