I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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