You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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