It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
