um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
