her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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