can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
