WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
