just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
