ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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