Betty ford says i'm here all night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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