After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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