She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
