Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
