I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
