i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
