My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We're too hungover to prance.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
