To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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