i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
