It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
