i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
