oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
