I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
