awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
