Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
