You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
