I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
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this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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