Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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