Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
