She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
