youre lurking in front of me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The uberlube is also flammable
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
