put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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