I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
