Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
operation harelip BJ is a go
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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