I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
