Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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