You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
