you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
