thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
