i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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