True but thats because hes a fetus.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
