i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
