Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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