He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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