She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
